I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize