the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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