dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
