I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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