Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
