he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
