the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
