I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize