im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
