Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if only i could text you this smell
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
