Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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