oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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