1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
40s are totally the cure
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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