Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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