Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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