Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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