u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
