i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
