my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
