if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize