If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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