btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
