I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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