pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
