I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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