Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize