she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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