I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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