I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
