Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
organizing the empties. That sober.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
