Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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