Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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