Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
