I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
