In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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