First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
