his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
