hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
