Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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