Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
