What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
