well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
