dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
