I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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