I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
