you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
