This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
