I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
