You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
