just survived the first fart of the relationship.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
