I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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