Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
