I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
