Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
