I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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