Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
