I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
True strength comes from lack of pants
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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