so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
