i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
