Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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