you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We have so much sex to catch up on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
