Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
operation have a gay friend backfired
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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