He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
