I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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