Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize