Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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