how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
