so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
