Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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